No amount of data collected can quantify the actual impact of a program. So we pay attention. We can’t predict how our workshops will affect any one individual, especially a member of the community whose many roles include fatherhood. Many times the roles are reversed. Children do not miss a father they never knew, but when a father misses his child, we take note.

The Moment

We like to say that we are more than just a grassroots organization, so on a beautiful August day we were boots on the ground, in the middle of South Yonkers with our workout gear on. For about an hour we were fully engaged in a fun interactive workout session with community members and some of our volunteers, when we noticed one of the volunteers staying to himself. We didn’t know it then, but he was struggling emotionally with a personal issue.

A day later, he contacted his brother, part of the 914united team, “what’s up bro, you aight?”

“Not really. I wanted to share something I was going through internally yesterday at the workout session. I was working out with one of the younger kids and it hit me…”

“What?”

“How much I miss my son.”

The Journey

We love it when volunteers come out and support our programs.

Many people support the movement, but participation in our activities outside the office is not a common occurrence. One Volunteer, who is related to our founder, is always willing to step up and support the movement. He has been by our side since 914United was a thought, and because our founder is a sibling and his mentor, he continues to stay on the positive path he has chosen.

Some team members call him family, and all team members love and respect his support.

He grew up in one of Yonkers roughest neighborhoods, experiencing the troubles that come from living in underserved communities. He ran the streets at a young age with close ties to local gang members and drug dealers.

A few run in with the law and a scar as a reminder, paved the way for him to reevaluate his life and strive for a better future. After the birth of his son everything changed though. Now he was working towards building a better future for his family.

“But the nature of the hustle meant that he could not spend quality time with his son, as much as he wanted to.”

He has been a constant reminder of the support in our communities and has been working on his own personal growth along the way. He has approached his role as a father with the best intention to give his son the life that he never had growing up because his father was arrested and deported to DR when he was 12 years old. However, his exposure to our work has reminded him that being a father is much more than material things. It is more about presence over presents.

The Connection

914United has been on a mission to build stronger community ties and better relationships through the Power of Movement — a fitness initiative led by one of our team members that uses exercise to bring people together and raise awareness about the organization and its mission. Participants, young and old, come out for an hour of interactive and fun activities that celebrate community.

In the group, adult attendees were paired up with the children present at the event. He was paired up with an energetic twelve-year-old boy, who was eager to show off his strength and speed. The boy right away reminded him of his son. The environment had a competitive edge, motivating everyone involved to give it their best. After some group activities, which included running, jumping jacks, burpees, and pushups. Everyone came together to celebrate a successful event, and an activity about community building.

This was the moment he realized, “Why don’t I ever do this with my own son?” 

Feeling winded and tired, but rejuvenated with a sense of purpose, he waited. Holding his emotions in check, he waited for the right moment after reflecting on the event to call his brother. He had to express how he felt. The longing to spend time with his son became a pit in his stomach.

“Bro, yesterday was deep for me. I really enjoyed it.”

“Why what’s up?”

“The session was fire, but I can’t help but feel guilty that I don’t do activities like that with my own son.”

“I gotta start doing that with him, word.”

The Real

In one of our prior workshops about fatherhood, we taught the difference between “presents vs. presence,” and it never really dawned on him that being a good provider is not enough for a meaningful connection with his child.

It’s all about the lens we choose to inform our perspectives, and his perspective of being a good father was not wrong. Being a provider was his way of not being like his own father. And he found a sense of pride by giving his son whatever he asked for.

However, being the primary provider often comes with unintended consequences. And one of the consequences of his hard work and dedication to the well-being of his family was the passage of time. Time spent away from his son.

The event was a catalyst for a change in perspective. The activities with his 12-year-old teammate not only reminded him of his son, it changed his lens, and made him realize that spending more time with his son doing activities creates deeper connection, and a stronger bond–that is too often not acknowledged in our communities.

The Impact

His own emotional dialogue brought forth some thoughts about his relationship with his son, which he had failed to acknowledge before. His role as a father. A role with a newfound purpose to create unshakable bonds with his son.

“Like being locked behind a door that you want your dad to help you explore.”

His journey with 914united, and the mentorship from his brother along the way have helped him grow in ways he didn’t think of before. His role as a father and provider became more prevalent, combined with his personal growth, motivated him to be a better role model for his son, all while breaking a sweat in the process and having fun.

Not surprisingly a few days later he contacted his brother and sent an image of him and his son working out together in the park. The joy evident in both of their faces after spending that time together.

The Mission

At 914United, our volunteers mean everything to us. It takes a special kind of person to contribute their time to our mission without expecting monetary compensation. Now as a result, time is more valuable for him in his personal life.The fact that he’s our founder’s sibling makes him family — just like every participant who walks through our doors.

By exposing him to this event, he was able to make a significant connection, relating to his relationship with his son moving forward. It is what we like to call Fathering Forward – a creative title of one of our life skills programs. This aligns with our mission of finding ways to build better communities. Growing up is already hard where we come from, and not being there for our loved ones who need us most makes it harder.

“Fathering is not something perfect that men do, but something that perfects the man.”

— Frank Pitman